Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
