hell yes lets make some ravioli
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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