I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
