Your dad touched me again.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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