I hate your face
I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
