Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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