If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
