Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
