I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I believe in your delicious
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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