my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
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