At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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