She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
