He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
