So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
