dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
