this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Randomize
