God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
