dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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