Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
