My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
