Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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