every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
