well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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