Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
