I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
