I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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