I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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