i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize