All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
