Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
