glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize