your room smells of hookers.
And success
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
