You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
