So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
