shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
