Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Randomize
