I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize