Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
She needs sedatives and a leash
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Randomize