"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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