If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize
