went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize