i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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