the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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