I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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