Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
