yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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