My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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