Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
