my soul wont recognize me after tonight
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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