Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
