apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
