His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
