saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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