No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have fence marks all over my body
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
