im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
