mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
