for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
