Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It's never too late to be topless.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
