Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
