Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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