things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
