Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
