do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
