yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
