its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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