Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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