Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize