Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
